Coping with Loss
By Robert Goodman, MSW
Over the past year I have lost a number of friends and neighbors. I find that as we get older we have to cope with death and dying more frequently. According to the AARP, about 40 percent of women and 13 percent of men who are 65 and older are widowed. Research has shown that men have a harder time coping with widowhood than women. Men don’t always have the social networks that women have.
Losing a spouse changes your life. Where once you had a companion to enjoy life with, now you have to learn to go it alone. You may have to learn new skills like shopping, bookkeeping, cooking, or cleaning. (One should learn these skills while still married.) You may have to learn new activities or develop new hobbies. This is not an easy adjustment and it takes time to accept this change.
It doesn’t happen overnight. You may experience many different emotions. Everyone grieves differently.
Grieving is normal. Initially you may feel numb and unable to do things. This feeling should change over time. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified five stages of grief that the person experiencing a loss of a family member may experience: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A person can go through these stages in any order and they may be repeated. Each stage may last different amounts of time. People who are grieving often cry easily and can have trouble sleeping, little interest in food, problems with concentration, or a hard time making decisions. This is the time to accept help from family members and friends.
There are several things you need to do: First, take care of yourself. Eat properly, exercise, and don’t cut yourself off from others. Talk with friends. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. During this holiday season it is very important to be with others.
If your grief is severe and lasting a long time you might consider joining a support group or seek professional help if needed. For information on support groups or grief counseling call 211 or Jewish Family Service at (561) 487-4708. One of my clients keeps a journal. She writes down conversations she would have with her spouse if he were alive. This could be very therapeutic.
Getting involved in activities in your community is an important step in the mourning process. Volunteering is a great way to meet others and to help your community.
Grieving is a natural part of life. In order to navigate through it we have to allow others into our lives to help us with the process.
